It went over the corner of the hole

I like the views on the back nine better (at Point Walter, a nine hole course)

It went downhill  like a submarine        

I can’t sleep because of the heat  (Asked what was wrong with his airconditioner) –  Nothing; if I turn it on the noise keeps me awake

I don’t have enough golf balls to use my woods today

I’m really looking forward to the tour ... except for the golf

I’d like to remember the memories before my memory goes

Throw another tortoise in the swamp

I don’t know how many are coming so I’ll over cater, then  I can take home any extra (catering plans for his 50th  at his place)

It’s wooden  (response when asked the colour of his tee)

Quarters  (when asked in a Quiz the name given to the  3 periods of a polo match)

What time is midnight Mass?

It went straight as a rock

It stopped like a bus

To Joe:  If I was me I wouldn’t get that putt
Joe: But you are you
Tampo: Am I?

29 putts are less than 28 putts

To Willy (in Vietnam): What time is it?
Willy: 8.30
Tampo: Is that the time here?

Andy I like a black coffee
Tampo: With milk? 

Brothers:

•  Mike Boudville - Who’s Chris? (seeking clarification regarding a guest – his brother!)

• Joe - It’s like being somewhere and not recognising your own brother
  Bruce - I’ve done that

• JK - I only drink bourbon when I'm with someone like Boudy's brother Pete; what's his surname again?

Cozzy- Better a DAS than an AG - in the early days, preferring Drinkers to Golfers in the club

Rowdy - Thank you one and all (one word a decade – 50th birthday speech)

Docker - That’s why I’m called Eagle Eye - (having found a ball) just before walking into a branch

Bruce - I wonder what the surfing's like at Information Bay 

Gaye - Why don't we have a "Witty Titty Ditty" 

Quey  -  He talked about the war and all that
Ash    -  Did he have one arm and one leg?
Quey  - No he came from Safety Bay          

Willy - Joe can’t tell one end of a soccer ball from another 

Willy, in a stage whisper, "I wonder if she gives HJs behind the bar" for some reason the barmaid wasn't so friendly after that

Sleethy - Uh-Oh, a mini Bar

Rod (about Greg's swing) - It's not that horrendously bad ... Praise indeed

Smeg to Aussie (previously Kiwi) - Have you ever been to New Zealand? - he may have meant to continue but was shouted down before he got the chance

Mo (asked what Bren, Dom's partner, is like): She's nice, she looks after handicapped people 

Charlie - You just put it where you want - referring to placement of the Long Drive flag after Clive was accused of being off the fairway

Dom (looking for JK’s ball) - This is your ball. It’s got three red dots on it. It’s the same colour as yours except yours is blue