DAGS Golf Club

Poems

History of the DAGS

It seems hard to believe, it was 10 years ago,

That the DAGS were invented, at the Hotel Como.

No better place to form the Drinking and Golfing Society,

For in this unique club, there's no room for sobriety!

The Golfing and Drinking Society just didn't sound right,

It felt all wrong, like drinking Swan Lite!

And I'm sure that it wouldn't have pleased all the lads,

To be called to the tee by the name of the GADS!

So the DAGS it became and it grew and it grew,

But let me start at the start when there were only a few.

There was Charlie and Andy and Sleethy and me,

We'd have a game at Whaleback, and then a beer or three!

One day at the Riverton, we bumped into Joe,

Bob Bolton, Clive Seager (he was weird then you know!).

We made one group booking, every Saturday morning,

In hindsight the seeds of the DAGS they were forming.

Other blokes came and joined us, for a game and a beer,

We started playing other courses, some far and some near

There was Collier and Wembley, Hamersley and the Lakes,

But there was always beer drinking, never coffee and cakes!

We made up some rules so we could drink some more beer,

If you liked the amber drop you had nothing to fear.

It was a jug for a windy, another for most putts,

One for not making the ladies tee, there were no ifs or butts.

If you were best off the stick you won all the money,

If you had a bad round Andy thought that was funny!

But there was always the beer, that lovely cold drop,

We drank as much as we could, we didn't want it to stopl

And then we had handicaps, to even the score,

We loved golf and beer, we clamoured for more.

It was around this time, when I was enjoying this life,

That I was given my handicap, namely my wifel

I left the DAGS soon after, family life took its toll,

But they got bigger and bigger, why just talk to Mole.

There were tournaments and trips, from Bali to the Southwest,

As far as clubs go, this one's the best!

And throughout the years, I've still kept in touch,

I have a game with the boys, though I don't play as much.

But in spirit I'm a DAG, that I cannot deny,

I'll be a DAG always, till the day that I die.

And when I do cark it, in about 2047,

I hope there's an afterlife, and they call it DAG heaven.

And I'll turn up at the gate, show my big ugly mug,

And you blokes in yellow shirts, in chorus will shout JUGll

Matt Dawes

10th Anniversary celebrations

Dec 1996

I am wot I am

I ain't real good looking and I don't often shave,

I don't got no money

but FUCK, am I brave.

I ain't no Picasso

and I ain't been to Malay, I ain't seen no opera

but FUCK, can I play.

I ain't never eaten yogurt at least, I don't think

I ain't never had champagne

but FUCK, I can drink.

I ain't got no Rolls Royce with leather, wood and fur,

I only got this old "3" wood

but FUCK, does the thing purr.

I ain't got much, but wot I got is mine and mine all alone,

I'm a golfer through and through

if I'm having a drink or toking a cone.

I ain't been to Augusta and I ain't got no good swing,

I ain't had many golf lessons

but FUCK, can my putter sing.

I ain't seen the White Shark and neither Daly, Watson or Kite,

my ball has a mind of its own

but FUCK, I hit it with all my might.

I ain't a real Professional just a hack with clubs and bag,

I'm a Saturday morning golfer

but FUCK, I'm glad that I'm a DAG

Danny Mac ... possibly

From the Poet Laureate:

A Designer's Dream

Pierre Cardin was waking, one fine Parisian day,

With an idea brewing, beneath his night beret.

A brand new line of fashion, something quite unique

One that's just for golfers decided Froggy Pete.

His search for inspiration took him right around the earth,

But who would ever guess it

He found the answer here in Perth!

He found his inspiration in a fellow DAG,

And planned to use his Christian name on that famous tag.

I'll bet you all have guessed it, yes everybody has

Pierre designed a fashion line, and proudly called it CHAS!

It was Mr Oliveri that made the big C roar,

He'd never seen anyone anywhere, dressed like that before.

He'd use Charlie as a yardstick, the grand idea unfurled,

To dress up leading golfers from all around the world.

Oh yes, can't you see it? the first at Pebble Beach,

Greg Norman in his bathers that are green and blue and Peach.

There's little Ian Woosnan with clothes all brown and red

It's just the way he wears them, he's not just out of bed.

Down on the fourteenth fairway is dashing Ossie Moore,

With clothes, the way they're hanging spent all night on the floor.

Curtis Strange is walking between the last two tees

He's dressed in tattered denims cut off below the knees.

Pierre you've really done it, your heart should swell with pride

Jack Nicholas wears a CIG cap that's tilted to one side.

Peter Senior has a wardrobe to go with that new putter

It looks as if he spent the night, unconscious in the gutter.

The CHAS line is a winner, the best there's ever been,

The style that put the crimple back in crimplene!

As Fuzzy glibly puts it, CHAS eases golfing woes,

Especially with your golf shoes exposing half your toes.

From a Paris bedroom comes a hideous scream

Pierre it didn't happen, it was just an awful dream.

It wasn't inspiration that thought of 'CHAS' style wear

It was eating all those frog legs, you've had a bad nightmare

Where the Hell is Weird

When a Sensible of DAGS is playing

On courses throughout the Land

You'll find a DAG in bunkers, in water, and in sand.

But the question that all are asking, when the fairways' cleared,